Dear Car Guy: the Things Mazda Noobs Say

Dear Car Guy,

I’ve been thinking about how we’ve all experienced what I will refer to as ‘NOOBING’. When you’re faced with a situation with a NOOB and would love to call them out, but instead you opt to give them the benefit of the doubt that they’ll grow out of it or wise up! The following are for a few laughs, groans, and reminders that some of us have even “been there”:


What Noobs Say:  “Looking for advice”

What it really means: Hi all, I’m new here and haven’t even clicked the search button. I am hoping that because I stumbled upon this site, that if I post a question, you’ll all dump your wealth of knowledge into my lap in an organized and specific manner.


What Noobs Say: “Mod Experienced”

What it really means: I bought LED’s had my car crew ‘help’ me install an intake. I’ve plasti-dipped my Mazda emblem and wheels. I’ve attended a few car shows and chatted with a few slightly more experienced guys (who’s cars were borderline in terms of intimidation). I can regurgitate what they’ve said about their builds in a single breath.


What Noobs Say: “Getting ready for a Car Show”

What it really means: I’m gonna go through a car wash and pay for the ‘deluxe-all inclusive’, so the inside will be detailed and the outside will shine with generic wax. I will then drive over to the show and park in the parking lot instead of the line, but take sweet pictures to put up on my facebook and Instagram.

Duct Tape

What Noobs Say: “I’m stage 1+”

What it really means: I have an intake, that I may or may not have installed myself.


What Noobs Say: “I am going big turbo next year”

What it really means: I have no clue what I need, and I can’t afford the supporting mods to do it anyway. I’m just trying to make it sound like I’m gonna be around for a while, and will make a name for myself ‘real soon’.


Whether you’ve been there, or are still there, don’t worry there is still room for improvement!

Stay safe, stay happy, stay fast!

Kim Russell-01

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